HONEY TO HONEY
"you know i love you sweetheart, but that EMBARRASSING abdominal pooch of yours has just got to go! you're so special to me and i really hope we can keep on shopping together." why aren't single grad school women talking the straight talk to their girlfriends??? has anyone else noticed that we have begun to blossom alarmingly in all the wrong places? sadly, our days of donut-pounding, burger-huffing waifdom are over. as your metabolism slows, your chances of attaching yourself to a man on his way UP are waning fast. remember that all other wiles held equal, the size and quality of your engagement rock is bound to be INVERSELY proportionate to your size. so buck up, sister, but don't you dare chow down. and remember, NO PANTIES IN THOSE JEANS!!!

PS - if you're so far gone you need help DISCREETLY (i.e. the gym is no longer a workable dating resource), here's where you can begin your trek back to meat-market eligibility). it's a jungle out there!