Update: Now I'm embarrased - it turns out that E is not me. I had a talk with Phoebe two nights ago and E is a guy she usually calls N (N being nickname initial, E being his real name initial). Also, it wasn't literary according to her - this schmuck really did grab her. Jerk.
(a) She doesn't have one;
(b) Even if she had a left loin, I am not a masocist and as such wouldn't have grabbed it to make her hurt;
(c) Even if I were a masocist and she had a left loin, I couldn't have grabbed it because she was in San Francisco and I was speaking to her by telephone from Ohio and since I am not a Jedi I don't have the ability to manipulate objects at great distances;
(d) Even if I were a masocist Jedi and Phoebe had a left loin, I would have done something cooler to hurt her, like make her spin suspended in the air while doing Jedi mind tricks so that she would think she is a glass of Orange Juice that is in danger of being spilt - all from three thousand miles away.
What I did do was make fun of her for being promiscuous, but only because she had made fun of me for dating too much a few weeks prior. I guess she still has issues with dishing it out, but not being able to take it.
I shouldn't be too hard on Phoebes though. She is going through a lot. She just transfered from Stanford to UPenn for her final semester so she can be with her cancer-stricken mother in the final months of her mother's life. If going from the beauty of California to the gloom of philly's winter along with dealing with your remaining parent's demise wasn't enough, she is stuck in a house filled with memories of an abused childhood by the same mother who can never be convinced that her daughter loves or has forgiven her. Oh yeah, she also has an off/on relationship with not one, but two ex-boyfriends that she has never quite sorted her feelings out for. So I guess I should probably cut Phoebes some slack. She has a lot on her plate. And despite shameless attempts at character assassination, I still care about her deeply.